


The Man, the Myth, the Legend: Trash Eagle Garbage Man

by itwasreallyhot2day



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Armpit Kink, Inflation, Landfill au, M/M, Oikawa is a rich sugar daddy, Sugar Daddy, down with grammar n spelling, eagle!ushijimia, it is crack, n there were a lotta wildlife, plz dont ask, so here you go, so much crack, sum sex butta lotta plot, the scenery was real pretty, we had a fieldtrip to a landfill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-26 05:24:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13228959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itwasreallyhot2day/pseuds/itwasreallyhot2day
Summary: Iwazumi is a worker driving a garbage truck to the Oikawa Family Landfill. He seduces the young owner, Oikawa Tooru and his life takes a turn when Oikawa proposes! What will happen next,,,,guess you have to read more.





	The Man, the Myth, the Legend: Trash Eagle Garbage Man

**Author's Note:**

> btw leachate = trash juice 
> 
> believe it or not its once again 2 am

“merry me mAH BOYF” Oikawa’s brown eyes shone like diarrhea under stadium lights. It reminded Iwa-zoooomi of the leachate that pooled among the slopes of the landfill where he had met his boo, his bae, his boyf aNDDD most importantly, his sugar daddy ;). Their romance had been one of a sort of garbage smelling whirlwind where poopy diapers swirled around in the epic tornado and hit you in the face. First, Iwa had been a simple garbage truck driver with buff bara arms and an ass as tight as those paper wristbands they force upon your wrist at themeparks that are almost impossible to get off an you have to yank at the end until it cuts off the blood to your wrist. Life was simple and all aspects of his life had lived together in harmony, and then thE SHITTYKAWA ATTACKED. Only Oiks’ giant ass wallet which was as thick as **_Hefty ULTRA STRONG: costs less than Glad where sold head to head_** could stop Iwa’s disdain as strong as **AJAX: stronger than bleach!**

Apparently, bein the youthful spritely succ-essor of a garbage dump empire paid well and Oikawa was reaping the benefits of his family’s succ-sess. And Iwa found that if he gave Oiks a lil more succ, Oiks was more than willin to treat him tuh a nice evenin out on the trash piles and a fat wad of cash in his boxxers.

Iwa does the thinks of pros and cons of becoming Mr. Oikizoomi.

Pros: Oikawa rich af cause ole family muNS (money) boiiiiii

Cons: Everything else.

Iwazuimi looks at the boo, the bae, the boyf, the sugar daddy n goes “k”

Oikawa screams like a twelve year old boy on xbox live. The mountain of trash on which they stood for this momentous occasion trembles like a stripper’s ass. Then, he sashays across the garbage pile to sidle up next to Iwazooooomi. He leans over and says, “hey girl, rat piss. Rat piss w/ me live right here right now.”

Iwa smirkz, “gimme one of dem Benjamins n I’ll be more than willin tuh take u rite on dis trash” a tingle tingles down Oik’s spine to his lil tingle and he slides a thirty bucks he’d socked away (heeeeyy) into Iwa’s brght orange garbage vest, the one that fit him as tight as that craft glue you’d pour onto your hands as a kid and peel off. He leans in n nips Iwa’s ear making soft desperate snuffly noises alike to the sound of settling trash. Iwa growls like a trash compactor, “mmm u don git 2 b bad, u need me tuh teach u a lesson, sHitYkAwA” he singsongs.

hE LUNGES AT SHITTYKAWA WhiLE shittykawa chortles and tries to run (immediately slipping n getting a facefulla trash slime). Iwa pins Oiks down into the frothy garbage n leans in reeeeeeeeeeel close.

He whispers forcefully into okis’s’s’s’s’s’s’s’s ear: “your ass is grass.”

Oicaca weeps in anticipation

He continues: “an im gonna mow it”

Oikawa moans loud enough to cause a trash avalanche, a travalanche. The travelache covered them in trash which only made oikawa MORE HORNY!!!! He had grown up wandering the trash wastes in his youth and free time and he had achieved nirvana there, in the trash heaps, alone. God had revealed himself to oikawa, and you know what he looked like? He had looked like a muk, you know, that pokemon? Well, muk spelled backwards is kum, so oikawa had learned that sex when covered in trash is the only way to sex.

So anyways, oiks was covered in iwachan who was, in turn, covered in trash. They might have been suffocating, but that was a kink in some countries, oiks was pretty sure. It was def a kink in his country xD. Yanno, if he made apoooooooooooooooo [a/n cat stepped on keyboard] a country that is.

And such, that is how they got here. To this moment. With da sex. Specifically, with Oiks groanin as he clutched at Iwa’s hair. Or rather, since Iwa’s hair was so short, just kinda groping and clawing Iwa’s head. Iwa was huffin and droolin and headbuttin into Oiks tum-tum. Oh, and have it been mentioned that Oikawa was thrusting into Iwa’s armpit? cAUSE THAT’S HAPPENIN. Awwww shit you betcha it is. Oikawa’s engorged flesh flute was absolutely rubbing up in that tight tight slippity armpit. And Oiks couldn’t help but choke out on his quivering, trash smelling breath, “deres gunna b a lot moar slip up this pit sooooooooooon” aS HE CRIED OUT, TRASH GETTING INTO HIS MOWTH AND MUFFLIN HIS CRIES.

“nUH UH!” Iwa growls louder than the screams of the garbage men when they find disposed fur suit bits n bops thrown into the heaps. He grabs Oiks hips and grinds agsint him until he can sink his teeth into Oiks’ trashy trashy lips before breathin out. “U dun gitta kum till I tell you u do, giggit gottit gud?”

Oiks shuddered with the fury of a thousand shuds. He rly wanted 2 kum.

“okie you can kum now,” said iwazoom zoom.

“thnx bro” said oinks. N then he spurted into his boif’s armpit. With his luigi. luigi wasn’t wearing a condom, but it was okay since iwazumi’s armpit had gotten a vasectomy last year so it couldn’t get pregnant. It would be really weird having a pregnant armpit anyways. It would look like a tumor, but it wwouldnt be a tumor it would be a little mini oik.

“Woudlnt you like a little mini oik someday?” oikawa said to iwazum.

“Absolutely not,” replied zumi.

“Right because you only need me, your big oik.”

Iwazumi nodded, but he really didn’t think he could handle two oikawas in one household. One was already more than enough to share his future husbandos trash empire. Oh right they needed tu get to being the husbandos right away.

~~~~timeskip~~~~                                                                                                                                               

This was the most important moment in Iwa’s life. It almoss seem 2 be that every moment was leading up to this one. Every moment of his childhood play pretend wedding. Every teenage wetdream. Every early morning wank. Every trash-filled breath he took after starting at this goddamn job. Every glance of love Oikawa sent him. Every fresh fresh dollar bill Oiks slipped into his pant. Every blowjob up until now. Every armpit jerk-off. This was the moment he’s been living his entire life up to.

The moment he murders Oikawa. (What? Were you thinking he was thinking about his weddin or smthn? You obviously have too much faith. Welcome to the real world smarta$$ B))

He planned it carefully, like when you rehearse what you have to say before the waiter comes to your table. It was perfect. He had measured the angle of the slope of the garbage heap to make sure that oikawa wOULD fall perfectly in2 the garbage valley and fall far enough to DIE. It would look like an accident. As much of aksuhdent as Ukai’s urinary incontinence issues. (uku cudnt hold his peepee anymore bC HE IS OLD AND REaDY to DIIIIIE) (and Iwa was aboot to make sure Oiks was Also reAdY to DIE).

>:]{

That was iwazumi’s plotting face.

He left a note on oikawa’s face as he was sleeping soundly, makin loud honkin noises like the alarm when the methane removal system broke at the landfill. (Which it often did) (but when did methane, a gas that is a reaaaaaal bad pollutant, ever hurt anything). “meet me on our favorite trash hill n ill give you a lil sumthin sumthin,” said the note. Oik’s face was peaceful in sleep, like the majestic crows that arc above the garbage heap, swooping down on delicate limbs to vore the carcasses of mankind left in abyss. Oikawa was worse than those flying rats. He looked ugly outside, and he was worse on the inside. Iwazuimi left the bed grimacing at the lube stains in the sheets (he would need _**OxyClean: gets the tough stains out!**_ ) and the inflation porn mags. Tripping on the bicycle pump left next to the bed, he went out to wait til oiks woke up.

While he waited on the trash pile he stared out into the acres of trash that would soon belong to him, and only him. Nearby he could see his truck, chalk fulla garbage with the engine already runnin and in the distance, the warring Nekoma cats feircly clawing at the decending crows. It made Iwa hard at how it was sEW MUCH MORE MAgESTIC THAN OIKS ASS. Within a few moments he would be rid of that stupid oikawa (as stupid as the out of date landfill linings they used that were tOTALLY a violation of health standards) and his stupid pretty hair that was hard to draw. He reflected on his time with oikawa, and wondered if he might miss that stupid smile just a little bit…

Suddenly he felt a hand grab onto his b00ty.

“hey new husbando,” said oik

 _“Nah. i wont even miss him a little bit,”_ Iwa thought proudly

He grabbed oikawa one last time and pulled him into a tender kiss. His last moments before he died might as well be a little enjoyable. He smelled the morning trash on Oiky’s hot steamy breath (you could like,,,yanno, steam pork buns on his mouthhole,,,) and the winds of garbage swelled around them and cherry blossoms p0PPed into existence (as they do whenever anime charas fuCK).

Iwazuimi was completely and wholy repulsed.

He thought about chugging nail remover and match.

Anything to purge the taste.

With that, he put his thicc thick lips against Oikawa’s moist ear, tasting the earwax and leachate upon his plump lobes and whispers, “bai binch~~~” be4 sHOVIN HIS BOO, HIS BAE, HIS SUGAR DADDY, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY HIS LAWFULLY WED HUSBUNDO FROM WHICH HE WOULD INHERIT ALL THE EARTHLY POSSESSIONS.

Oikawawowa sCREMED as he fell tu the bottum of da hoooole, his beeeeeuuuuuutiful trash and beautiful husbundo had both betrayed him. But Iwa was death to his pleads. He had his sights set upon 1 thin as he sprint tuh his truck, swinging into the cab and shifting it into reverse beFORE SLAMMIN ON THE GAS AND SCREAMIN TO HIMSELF, “PULL THE LEVER CRONK!” AS HE PULLEd the LEVER TU DUMP DA TRASSH.

But den, as he pulled the lever, he heard a loud creEEEEAAAAAAKKKKKkkkk. He felt it in his soulless soul as the truk lurched bakwordz and began to slip into the pit of despair, just as the trash was covering oikawa’s face. Iwazoooooomi’s stomach dropped as he also dropped and fell into the pit.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” he screamed even louder than luke skywalker when darth vader told him that he was his daddy. Above him in the night sky he saw a dark, dark planet of awesome size….. wait no that was the moon as sHINee as Mr Clean's gleaming bald head. He fell back into the same trash valley as his husband0 and the two were buried there together. Til death do us part. (except not, cUZ they wer buried 2gether) (Iwawa’s werst nightmare). In his last moments, iwazumi saw the windshield break with a great cRUNKCHSHSHSHSH and cr0nching of footsteps above him. Hands started to rustle around, uncovering him, but just as the hands reached the fae beside his, iwazumi had expired like gelatinous milk 4 years past expiration. The same milk he had licked out of Oika’s belly button dat one time.

Watt a way 2 go,,,,,,

~~~~~perspectivechange~~~~                                                                                                                          

Ushijimia Wikipedia often wandered the trashscapes l00kin f0r l0ve because he was very lonely. Ebery niyt he wuld lay by himself with only his animu waifu pillow for comfort. Unfortunat he didn’t have much succ-sessin these trashscapes. It was sad for him :/ On this eaaarl grey mornin in par-tic-u-lar he was also wandering the trashscapes l00kin f0r l0ve bUT he saw insead of a babe with animu tiddies as hot as a over-microwaved pizza pocket, in the distance he spotted,,, a garbage truck falling over into a pit. That truck had a person inside he was sure, because the truck had been moving and trucks don’t just drive themselves. Or maybe they do. Ushijima, comin from hummmmmble farmin roots (gettit, cause plants have roots n farmers grow plants) (but yanno what also has roots) (marijuana plants) (weed plants have roots) (not that ushiwaka would kno that) (he definitely wouoldnt) wasn’t in the v lucrative trash biz and couldn’t help but think, you never could tell how much those trash dumps updated their trucks. Maybe it could drive itself, but ushijima was pretty sure it couldn’t. But then again, it was supposedly improssible 4 his animu waifu to come to laifu, but he still had faith.  

He went ober to the pit and shuffled some of the trash around. He started digging in this one spot the way dogs do, yanno how they shoot the dirt out from between their legs n its really fficient, except this time the dirt was trash and the dog was ushijima. For a while, he forgot what he was doing, just reveling the sensation of pushing aside banananana peels, rodent corpses, and the used condoms that peeps hadn’t flushed dowwwn da toire. He loved the sense of crud below his fingernails, trash juice staining his dungarees, moaning softly in pleasure, bUT DEN he could finally seEEE a face pokin out thru da trash !!! He looked like a  pretty pretty yaoi boi; an uke. But, dread drained into Ushiwakwak’s bod like rainwater streamin thru moist trash, as he realized, 3 fundemental truths at da exact same time

  1. dIS WWAS NO ODER DAN DA WANDFILLLLS OWNER OIKS TOOOOORU!!!!
  2. he was ded. His deep diarrhea brown orbeez frozen in n expresh of terror n betrey



Ushawiki’s face crumpled in despair, relizzing he waz starrin at A CORPSU, and he grasped at Ookawa’s orange vest, and whispered into hiz eMPty form, “You,,, you shudda cum to Shiratorizawa.”

Ushiwhacks abondons that corpse and begins tuh dig round da truk 4 moar of dat hawt hawt traash diggin action and has just uncovered another face, this one beastly and ugleee when suddenleeeee! He felt the grip of sharp claws on his shooowluders and was foRSUFULLY lifted into da air. He could see eberywhere !!! It twas beeeeautifal up der. He lookd up nd saw dhat duh claws belonged to a majestic white eeeeegle. Da eagle glowed a little bit and den it disappoored. Ushijima felt wings grow onto his back. HE HAD MERGED WITHT THE EAGLE !!!!!!!!!! HOLY SHIT !

He was floooooded with a suDEn realu-uh-zation that he had bin rewarded 4 his herooooic efforts 2 dig thru trash, n now must commit HIS LAIFU TUH SAVIN PEEPS FROM LIKE, BEIN DED. HE WAS NOW A SOUP-ER HERO CALLEd

TRASH

EAGLE

GARBAGE

MAN

~~~~buttden~~~~

“And thatiz the sutory of Trash Eagle Garbage Man™,” said Sugamama conclusively as he closes the thicc story book labeled **DO NOT READ TUH KIDS** and he tuccs his smol birblings into bed.       

_The End **.**_

**Author's Note:**

> were sorry
> 
> aLSO SLAP THAT KUDOS BUTTON WITH YOUR ASS AND LIKE, COMMENT, & SUBSCRIBE ;)


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